Wading through online dating sites to find an intimate relationship is not easy.
Singles often start out with hope and excitement at the ease in connecting with others online. Connecting by email and then phone seems like a progressive way to select a good fit. However, very soon the dream of finding The One morphs into frustration. Reading profiles trying to sort out the “good catches” from the “damaged goods.” All the while your self esteem begins to take a hit when date after date you find that either you or they aren’t “feeling it” and chemistry can’t be found. You begin to wonder if it’s you, and after sorting it out you become sure- it’s them.
Getting locked down in WHO can be a problem. This is what actually creates a block in connecting with someone special. Soon you are going through the motions, writing to people half heartedly with less and less invested. Fearing you are wasting your time. You show up on dates in a self- protected way to avoid yet another disappointment, only to start the whole process over again. Working on scheduling new dates with new people for the following weekend, hoping it’s a game of numbers and the next date is “the one.”
What is actually happening is that you are going through the process, sleep walking, checked out from who you are, what you want, and not showing up truly engaged. You aren’t arriving to the date as your authentic self.
This is no easy task – learning to put expectations aside and instead take the risk of being vulnerable. In our work we will practice dropping your judgement, staying open to your date by responding to differences with curiosity and empathy.
Other times, singles aren’t ready to date because they are still not over a past love or have experienced abuse. At other times individuals might find themselves in a chronic pattern of break ups or unhealthy relationships. Starting over with a new person doesn’t seem to help – you find yourself repeating the same patterns over and over again.
Dating therapy will help you look at the ways you are hiding from intimacy. The fear of closeness is what is preventing you from finding the loving partner you want and deserve. If you feel the desire for a healthy connection with a significant other and need more openness, trust, and freedom as you date, therapy can help.
Working together, we may:
- Practice tolerating both closeness and distance as you embark on the relationship dance called courtship
- Create boundaries with another so as to have a healthy, vibrant and respectful relationship
- Begin to see, love, and protect those tender parts of you that have been misidentified as flaws by prior people you have been in relationships with
- Discover how to stay connected to yourself while you make yourself vulnerable with a significant other
- Learn how to predict and respond to the natural tendency pull away from our love interest, out of a desire for protection and safety
- Release stress or insecurity around physical intimacy and sex